Behind Closed Doors: SILENT VOICES

I HAD once sold my soul to the invisible powers of hell to shake the world of faster women by luring them to fall into deadly traps of perdition, when scheming for men of higher classes. I had chosen to go to the bad by tracking all women’s e-mails on internet and lonely hearts adverts, and then disguise as the so called right soul mate. In fact my scheme succeeded by cunningly convincing one of the business women in Kansanga via e-mail that I was the Mr. Right she was searching for through the media. In my e-mail to her, I nick-named myself as JK Salsa, and disguised as a corporate white English citizen in Oxford UK working for an executive shirt production firm in London. I even sent to her a photograph of a handsome looking English gentleman which caught her eyes, believing that it was mine.

The lady fell in love with me and kept exchanging love mails, until she realized later that my letter language was full of the awkward age gimmicks and sweet nothings of young lovers. As a lady who had climbed up the corporate ladder and a big business owner, she blasted me and opted for other potential Mr. Rights. My dreams of luring her pay for my air ticket from Uganda to the UK were shattered and contemplated to drown my sorrows in heavy drinking. However, I had succeeded in taking ten Makerere University girls for a ride. They had all disclosed their top secrets to me via e-mails, after falling in love with my “white man’s photo”.

I had as well deceived one Born-again Christian girl at Kampala Pentecostal Church that I had connected her to the white gentleman in the photo, and she fell on her knees to give thanks to the God of wonders. So she kept on sending mails to the “photo” and I concentrated on replying. But when I discovered that her mails were contradictory to her real lifestyle, I sent her a chucking letter! She eventually came to me crying that “Michael, the guy you connected me to has abandoned me!” I saw scales beginning to fall from her eyes.

My scheme of lying to girls was growing in leaps and bounds and I was determined to grow higher and bigger and build an empire of longing women. But one day I was in a taxi in a crowded section of Kampala city going to send more e-mails to more girls, when I got a phone call. Someone called Susan was inviting me to attend their Cell meeting of Kampala Pentecostal Church at Bweyogerere. I was mesmerized and instantly came back to my senses that I was once a committed Born-again Christian. But I had lost track since joining University at Makerere three years back. I heard a still small voice in my heart convicting me to know who this lady was. In fact it was my first time to receive a call from such a lady talking in a melodious holy voice full of concern and care.

I promised Susan on phone that I would attend the Cell meeting, since Bweyogerere was even my Uncle’s residence. And that evening I boarded a taxi to Bweyogerere and went to Julian’s apartment hosting the Cell. I bumped into a group of four jolly young ladies, including Susan, who welcomed me with smiles I had never seen before. After being shown my seat, the first statement I read on the wall hanging was, “Lost but now Found”. It sank like a stone deep down into my soul.

Since then, I once again recommitted my life to Christ and began serving God with all my heart. I discovered that Susan was the Cell Leader and she did a great job in mentoring me into church ministry. She encouraged me to undergo New Life Class, Cell Life training and a series of other programs in church. I diligently sought to learn more of whatever she was directing me to do, and later she stepped down for me to be in charge of the Cell of over ten Christians who were all older and more experienced than me. I was overwhelmed but chose to let God’s will be done. Susan was to start working upcountry for World Vision. However, she retained the responsibility of being the official Cell Leader as I acted as a Cell Leader in-turn.

Two years down the road, I began interacting closely with Susan. I wanted to know more about this amazing lady. I wanted to hear her sweet words again in my ears which had begun itching again. But I had no way through to her heart. I thought of communicating to her in a special way. And one day I sent an e-mail to her saying:

“Hello, Thanks a lot for the work you’re doing. I have to apologize for being a poor communicator especially via mail. However, I am in a great need of your continued support and co-operation. I dedicated myself to serving God’s people in telling His awesome power to the nations.

“Currently, I am dedicated to offer not-for-profit services to all Christians seeking for opportunities to testify of God’s goodness in their lives through the written word. I have been involved in doing the same but at low ebb. We have now established a team of creative writers (BW-Club) to develop these testimonies into literary texts, so that you and I do not live in and leave this world with potentially untold stories.

“We prepare and develop your testimony/story either for record purposes, dissemination or publication (whatever you choose). We do this interactively in case you have no documented literature at hand. You only have to avail us with a few minutes, hours or days for recording your life-story/testimony, and the rest of the work is left for us. After our part is done, we invite or bring you the developed story (biography, novel, play, narrative poem, short story etc) for review and then further steps taken. Please check the attached file for details, and your testimony is highly welcome (Rev, 12:11). Thanks and may God bless you. Michael.”

Just within one day, Susan had gotten back to me with a very short message saying:

“Thanks Michael, That’s thoughtful of you. You know when God blesses us; He wants us to bless others too.  I have a story but its still in the making, we’ll keep in touch. God bless the works of your hands. Susan.”

Her message intrigued me to know more about her story. But it looked a little bit hard for me because I knew she was a very committed lady at her workplace. I had to look for avenues of getting her story. I needed it. I longed for it. I was craving for it. So after a week of serious reflections and puzzles, I sent her this mail in reply:

“Susan, how is work and yourself? I think I’ll never forgive myself for spending decades without visiting you! But I hope you’re ok. I had rumors that you had gone for a “mega” wedding on Friday! I think you had a great time.

“Thanks a lot for your gifts to our patient (Mary). It required two very muscular gentlemen to deliver the gifts to the patient! Ladies (even of Lillian’s size) couldn’t handle. Mary was also overwhelmed and almost ran out of breath! Can you imagine we were 5 Cell members (Alex, Charles, Lillian, Joy and myself) without counting the young Lorna! Mary told us that life is too challenging for her these days since she has no guaranteed source of income. Her last born (Birungi) also tested positive but is not yet on medication. She also gave her life to Christ with her children and they now attend a nearby local church! Everything was good and I thank God; Cell members are now getting more committed to this cause.

“We also had a prayer in Cell meeting that very Friday. Lillian informed us that you proposed we start meeting on Saturdays for Cell instead of Wednesdays. Most of us were not comfortable with the suggestion especially Charles whose business booms mostly on Saturdays. However, it still remains debatable because we really miss you guys who cannot make it on Wednesdays. The Children’s Cell is now in full bloom courtesy of Joy as the host & facilitator, and Lillian as a co-facilitator. But there is still need for the Cell to be approved by Jajja at Children’s Church, and encouraging children from the neighborhoods and nearby Cells to attend the Cell every Saturday.

“I am going through both heaven and hell! Can you imagine I failed to go for VCT after the accident just because I feared to be traumatized and give up my plans! You know I have a huge burden in my heart of serving God through writing. I have just completed a 230pp book titled “Omuzimu gw’e Mbale” (the demon of Mbale) which is awaiting critiques. And now I am working on expanding such services beyond myself.

“I thought of establishing a Christians’ writers club called (By the Word- BW Club) derived from Revelation 12: 11, to write Christians’ testimonies and develop them into literary texts for publication. The moment I mentioned of it, someone immediately expressed interest in helping him develop his life-story, and several other Christians. But I am still considering the right procedures to follow. I haven’t yet established a committed team to work with, though I have 2 university OGs who have already promised to give me a helping hand. Yet I would like to involve Cell, and this means I’ll have to include KPC in creating awareness. Patricia promised to table my mission at the Pastors’ table at KPC-East and get back to me later this week. I really need prayers for God’s wisdom. (See the attached files for details of this mission) and please I need your advice, direction and recommendation.

“Let me end here for now, you know I am using an internet café, yet these days am running broke at a very terrific speed! It seems there is a financial breakthrough waiting for me at the end of the tunnel. Goodbye dear and say hello to Moses. Michael.”

This time, Susan didn’t reply the letter immediately. I checked my mail box several times but all in vain. I began shivering, thinking that may be one of my words might have offended her emotions in one way or another. However, it was after some weeks of waiting, that’s when she finally visited our Cell meeting. She looked composed and charming. This time she came along with her husband called Moses Otai. Susan and Moses were the only married couple in our Cell. I didn’t know much about Moses, but since he was the husband to Susan, I came to draw closer to him. He was a strong silent giant who would easily pounce at anyone if challenged. But when I discovered that he’s a committed Born-again Christian, I realized that he wasn’t as harsh as I had anticipated. What I never liked about him was his strictness on time management. Even when in Cell he could not feel at ease if members started gossiping about issues not related to the Cell Agenda. He would look at the Cell Leader with a cautioning eye that could force him to panic and read the next question on the agenda immediately.

In order to learn more details about Susan, I had to involve her husband as well. The discovery of her husband was indeed a great relief for the intense feelings I had started to develop towards her. But now how could I fall in love with another man’s wife. Not me a Christian! So Moses became my entry point into the hidden life of Susan. But I did not tell him either that I was on a secret mission. I had to befriend him and start talking freely on issues concerning him and her in their marriage. But this could as well mean that I had to chip in marrieds’ issues in our interactions. My greatest challenge however was that I was only threatening to date someone’s daughter, but not very much involved in man-woman love issues. One day I chose to send him a message saying;

“Dear Moses, it is nice I got your address and so we’ll keep in touch. How is work in the Eastland where men of wisdom reside? Thank you for your services there in our own land of the rising sun. I was not impressed by reports that Eastern Uganda is the second last developed region in Uganda. It is like these guys have chosen to grind the faces of the poor into dust. But when I imagine people like you keeping your nose to the grinding stone to ensure sustainable development initiatives in the region, I feel so grateful.

“Thank you for your contributions and gifts to our patient. She was overwhelmed by your concern, care, sacrifice and love. Unfortunately her last born also tested positive and not yet on medication. By her own fair hand she also tried to look for all kinds of jobs till her face turned blue, and now she feels like she’s fighting a losing battle against her greatest fears. But my prayer is we continue to stand with her family in the good times and bad.

“Do you know that these days we miss you so much in Cell? I personally can’t wait. You’re a bit lost and yet some of us would like to hear your good counsel from your heart. I remember the counsel you gave us one day on how to identify a right partner. It will never be erased from my memory. I am currently undergoing such a painful mid-life crisis to win somebody’s hand but I know with that advice you gave us, I’ll get off with a flying start.

“When are you planning to meet with us? Our attendance fluctuates every week but time alone will tell the way forward. Some members were suggesting that we meet on Saturdays. It was a bright idea, but…others are not very comfortable with it. However your suggestion is also very welcome. Have a great day. I hope those baboons in Busitema will not ambush you on your way back! Nice time. God bless you. Michael.”

His reply came just in time and he visited us in Cell with his wife-Susan. I think they were going through a hell of exhaustion due to the busyness they had buried themselves into at World Vision and Christian Children’s Fund respectively. I envied them rather because by then I had no guaranteed source of income and was surviving on peanuts from my Uncle’s crumbling NGO consultancy. So we sat in Cell and Susan took lead of the meeting. Her husband joined later and we enjoyed the moment. Susan had carried a luggage of gifts for the adopted patient of our Cell and even handed over to me other gifts to deliver to the Watoto children as her husband watched us silently. Two days later I discovered that Moses had earlier sent me a message saying;

“Michael, thank you for the complements, it is good to hear from you. I hope you are doing well. I did not know that my experiences would impact anybody. Thank you. Eastern Uganda is good, we believe with time abject poverty will be history in our people. Sorry for the HIV affected H/H. We will meet and discuss how to enable her child access treatment & necessary care. If she traveled to Mildmay on Entebbe Road, she can be supported.

You will overcome that midlife crisis and God will see you through. Just be resilient.

I am in Kampala, so I hope to attend tomorrow's Cell. Kind regards & God bless.”

Moses was one of the few gentlemen I least expected to reply to my messages. Unlike many corporate men whom I had communicated to earlier, he proved me wrong by his immediate reply. I knew he had quit his job at World Vision where he worked with Susan. And he had immediately secured another job at Christian Children’s Fund in Eastern Uganda. I do suppose he liked the place since his parents’ home area is within that region. So I liked him, because Teso region and Bugisu are almost sisters. We share a lot in common apart from the language. What the Iteso are better at than the Bagisu is their fluent command of the English language. They speak it even better than the Queen herself. But the Bagisu are far beyond the Iteso in as far as brevity is concerned. We can stand before the sharpest knife on earth for our circumcision without blinking an eye! I could not imagine a man of velour like Moses to ever dare stand even before a mere razorblade!

So I chose to take an immediate chance to communicate back to Moses and this time trying my level best to go a little deeper than in the previous letter. But I had to do this as cunning as possible so that he doesn’t smell the rat at any one moment. So I hid myself in a prayer cover first, and then replied to his message saying;

“Dear Moses, thanks a lot for your immediate reply, I was mesmerized that we attended Cell together without knowing that you had already given me a feedback. So I had to pull out all the stops to write back. I hope the laying off process at CCF went well and new jobs have been created. Unfortunately some of us are too busy working so hard that we have no time to make money or look for jobs. Personally at my work I am working to learn not to earn. So when I hear employees being put out to grass, I feel pity for them because they’ll have to go through pain without a steady paycheck.

“Your experiences are a real life impact on our lives because people like me look up to you for answers on some puzzling life matters like getting hitched. Did you know that you’re the only committed married couple in our Cell? For Joy and Chris are never seen coming to Cell together like you. Most of us look like contented singles, yet I suppose we are sitting on hot bricks.

“Our patient again kicked up her heels when she received another gift from your family. She has also been connected to a CBO called Pro-life in Kireka who have pledged to train her in some viable IGAs, and she’ll be required to have a starting capital of about 30,000/= to run her preferred IGA. Her child is supposed to be connected to a referral center in Nsambya, but the person to take them wants a refund of her transport costs. However, she was so happy that we’re standing by her side.

“My midlife crisis still continues but God has given me a heart of gold, that I’ve been enabled to exercise patience amidst a blazing furnace. God bless you and thanks for your concern, care and love. Say hello to Susan. Nice time.”

Later when Susan kept attending our meetings and leading the Cell, I sensed something strange in her behavior. She could look at me with skeptical eyes as if she smelled the rat. But I had done nothing wrong against her. Neither had I offended her. Probably her husband had told her something strange.

Away from the Cell meetings, one Joy, a Cell member had expressed her ingratitude towards Susan for being a stumbling block in the face of her children’s ministry initiative. Joy said that Susan had refused the operation of the children’s Cell at Joy’s home until the children’s Pastor at Church approves it. “But how will the Pastor approve something which is not existing?” asked Joy looking straight in my eyes, as if I was the cause of their misunderstanding. “In fact, when you sent me your message, it made me even sicker!” I had earlier sent Joy a text message saying;

“Hi Joy, I hope you’re okay. How is Lorna and Larissa; your children? Did children’s Cell go well? Julian, our Host, wants to send you more children. You’re a bit rare; Let me hope everything is okay. We miss you so much in Cell. Have a goodnight. Michael.”

Joy went ahead and missed all the Cell meetings of the weeks that followed. When I visited and talked to Lillian, the co-facilitator of the pending Children’s Cell about the issue, she told me that Joy was really very annoyed with Susan for postponing her program. “But there is no need for us to panic”, said Lillian, with her heavy body mass rested on a mat at the veranda of her home. “It is our obligation as members to obey our Cell Leader,” she added. I later discovered that probably this is likely to be the reason why Susan was behaving with a changed attitude towards me. So I decided to send her a message saying:

“Dear Susan; I hope all is well. Oh, you missed Isaac’s wedding on Saturday. I personally ate like a horse as others swam in an ocean of sodas. Why didn’t you attend? Even my friend Peter (the visually impaired) was there; probably looking at the bride and the bridegroom in rose-colored spectacles. Julian was running up and down, I think to ensure that the decoration colors were consistent. I am still wondering why they chose pink, black and white. Do you have any clue? Yet for me I was putting on something like green shoes but didn’t steal any show. But my greatest shock of the day was that the best-man (David) and the Matron. They almost stole the show from the bride and the bridegroom! They were too smart! And they left me tempted to put ‘wedding’ on my new year’s resolution.

“I think Joy is not very happy with us letting her to wait for long till the approval of the Children’s Cell by Jajja. She has even refrained from attending our Wednesday meetings, now for the third week in row. Nice holidays. Michael.”

The message seemed to have landed on a rock that cannot be moved. I waited for any reply from Susan in vain. My fears became imminent and started regretting why I had opted for the mission of encroaching on people’s busyness and private lives. But I didn’t lose heart. I determined to thrive on risk rather than avoiding it. But on the eve of our Cell’s deadline to deliver the Watoto Christmas gifts, Susan sent me a text message saying; “Hey, I wanted to be there for Cell today but I am still held up in town. How far have reached with the Watoto gifts? We may not attend Super Cell Sunday since we’ve got a function in the village. So please plan for that day.”

Later, I heard that Susan had to Kumi District in Eastern Uganda to celebrate the big days with her husband’s family. Rumor had it that it was her very first time to visit that family. And given the fact that Susan and Moses were worlds apart in as far as tribal differences are concerned, her in-laws were having a good time assessing her cooking skills and how she takes care of her husband. I was also awestruck with imaginations of seeing a Mukiga woman from Kabale in Southwestern Uganda in an interface with an Ateso family in the East! It must have been a very trying moment for her.

So one night I sent Susan bad news concerning our Cell’s HIV/AIDS patient, Mary the widow. She had been allegedly caught red-handed in a sex scandal with a sixteen year old young boy of her neighbor and fled, leaving behind a family of three children! As the Cell Leader in charge, I tried to tress for Mary’s whereabouts in vain. Fortunately her two children had been taken to live with their uncles in Kampala town. And it had been later confirmed that the youngest girl who was also HIV positive had also disappeared with her mother in thin air.

“Sorry Michael,” Susan’s text read, “That’s serious yet she is infected! I am really disturbed. I am wishing you the best in tomorrow’s Super Cell Sunday. Pray for the New Year Plans. We’re in Kumi. Happy New Year.”

We had earlier planned as a Cell to host Mary and her family and have a good time towards the end of the year. In fact every Cell member brought eats and our Cell Host had availed us with delicious meals and drinks. Everything had been colorfully planned and the air was all waiting for Mary to have her best of times. But the news of her scandal left each one of us in awe. So after the Super Cell Sunday, I wrote a mail to Susan to update her on what happened during the Super Cell Sunday, saying:

“Susan, Happy New 2008! I wonder where you spent your New Year’s Eve in Kumi. Personally I wanted to go to Namboole, Nakivubo or Kololo but it all looked like these guys were competing for Christian crowds. So I stayed home. Unfortunately, I didn’t go for All Nite Sing either.

I was surprised that you’re in Eastern Uganda. How’re you coping with the language burrier there? Have you all resorted to English only? For us we enjoyed Super Cell and ate like horses the delicious eats that you prepared for us. Unfortunately, our patient missed the celebration. We are still uncertain of her whereabouts. But her children I heard had been taken to their uncle somewhere in town. However, thanks so much for keeping in touch.

We also reviewed and assessed our performance as a Cell n 2007 and we were grateful for the far the Lord has brought us from. Some of the 2007 highlights included adopting the HIV/AIDS patient, regular Friday prayers in Cell, seed project, prayer walk, support to our neighbor Isaac in his wedding and the impending Children’s Cell among others.

Members set goals some of which included WEDDINGS for most of us who are still single. Charles, Aggie and Lillian are the forerunners, as Stephen, Alex and myself seemed like were seeing a blurred distant future! Cell meetings will be held on Saturdays as earlier proposed to enable our brethren who work upcountry to be fully involved. And we want to revive our diminishing relationships by keeping regular communication and by being our brothers’ keepers, as we also continue to stand by our fellow members who are not yet employed.

I wish you and Moses a very beautiful 2008. By the way, do not forget to send me some any intriguing stories from Kumi. I am really curious for them. Thanks.